The Seedling’s Promise
The first blush of morning slowly awakens me. It woos me into its presence and I cannot resist the invitation. I make my way into the kitchen where a hot water machine sits on the counter. Cup in hand, I push the buttons and perfectly heated water flows into my cup. With hands stiffened from years of pushing a manual wheelchair, I grasp the cup and head to my sanctuary overlooking a cluster of pine trees. In the stillness of the morning, a bench piled high with books welcomes me. I transfer onto the blue and white stripped seat and settle in. Breathing deep, the fragrant aroma of chai spice tea begins to clear the early morning fog.
I come into this space with an open heart, lingering in the silence and solitude, listening to the quiet and leaning into its whispers. A dove coos “Good morning,” as a soothing tropical summer breeze brushes my bare arms. The golden glow of the rising sun inches upward, silhouetting the trees before taking its place high in the heavens and with it, a warm rush of gratitude for life and nature and all things good swells within me.
This morning, the view of the beautiful back yard captures my attention. My gaze is drawn to a vibrant cluster of flowering vincas growing in the middle of a dusty bed of pine straw. Its blossoms are sun-kissed and swaying, cheerful with their green leaves and bright pink centers surrounded by delicate white petals. For a moment, their beauty leaves me breathless.
Not long ago, only a single stem rose out of the ground; a seedling. This one solitary flower came from a seed that remained buried for years after the original flowers were plucked out of the ground to make room for a new outside deck. Nourished by the earth, this remnant did its quiet work for many seasons in the darkness before making its way upward past the soils surface. Then, awakened from its slumber by the bright summer light, it produced leaves and an abundance of flowers. As I marvel at their radiant flourishing, I see a reflection of my life.
On a crisp, sunny Saturday afternoon, I too, was plucked out of the ground through no choice of my own. Eyes open, I saw the trees circle as I somersaulted through the air after being catapulted out of a saddle. Before my heart could take its next beat, I became a paraplegic. Just like that. Not only did my accident take away my ability to walk; my dream died that day, and I tried to die along with it. From the time I was a child, all I ever wanted was to be a nurse. I was in my second year of nursing school on the day I took that fateful ride.
A continuous loop of unanswered questions swirled around in my head. What will my future hold? Will I go back to college? Will I ever be able to work? Will I get married and have children? Will my life ever have meaning and purpose? Hopelessness pulled me down, deep into the darkness. I prayed I wouldn’t wake up from the initial surgery to fuse my spine back together.
My parents were devastated by what happened to their healthy, eighteen-year old daughter. Watching them mourn broke my heart. Nothing happens to us without affecting those who love us. In my presence, they were positive and strong. But when they left my hospital room, I knew they went into the hallway and cried. There we were. All three of us. Struggling to survive after being uprooted from the only soil we ever knew. This wasn’t what I wanted for myself and it certainly wasn’t what I wanted for my parents. I knew they would do everything they could to help me rebuild my life. Consequently, their grief empowered me to make the choice to live.
As my body lay bruised and broken, a remnant of my former self remained: a seedling. My spirit and soul were still alive and intact. A bit battered, but intact. In the deafening silence, I heard a whisper, “You can do this.” Instead of dwelling in the dismal abyss of self-pity, my spirit focused forward. One choice at a time, I let go of my past life and was determined to create a new one. Afraid, lonely and isolated, I had no idea what awaited me. But I knew if I was going to find it, I had to embrace the inevitable changes that lie ahead.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” Isaiah 43:18,19
Waves of change engulfed me. From daily living activities to navigating architectural barriers, every new push on the rims of my wheelchair became an opportunity for growth and self-discovery as I focused my energy on cultivating a new future.
As the young vinca was nourished by the fertile soil surrounding it, I was nourished by the love and support of people who surrounded me. For seven months, my mom came to the rehabilitation center everyday to wash my hair as I lay flat on my back, unable to sit up. When I finally went home, my dad bought a car with hand controls and insisted I not only learn how to drive, but also, that I learn how to get myself and my wheelchair in and out of the car.
My new sense of freedom was exhilarating! Seedlings of promise began to reveal themselves. The Lover of my soul reached down and lifted me up, up out of the darkness and into His light. Here, I received the courage and strength I needed to live independently as a person with a disability. Hidden talents I never knew existed worked their way upward, changing my life in ways I never could have imagined. I began to flourish through a wide array of transforming experiences and rich relationships that, to this day, bring me so much joy and contentment.
After an hour of silent pondering, others in the house start to stir, signaling my time alone is drawing to a close. Thankful for this sweet time of reflection, I take my last sip of tea with an even fuller heart and wonder what seedlings of promise I’ve yet to discover.
