One Child at a Time
Politics aside, one can’t help but marvel at JD Vance’s journey from the son of a mom who struggled with drug addictions to a possible stint in the White House. It’s a remarkable story of how a grandmother ‘showed up’ and brought stability to the chaos of a family enmeshed in unhealthy relationships. Heading down the same road leading to poverty and addictions that so many others in his community traveled, it was his Mammaw who all but demanded JD choose a different life path. As JD freely acknowledges, if it weren’t for the unwieldy support and oftentimes ‘colorful’ admonitions of his Mammaw, he probably would not be where he is today.
Initially inspired by his story when he published “Hillbilly Elegy” years ago, I now find it strikingly relatable to my present day reality. Sadly, I’ve come face to face with many lives similar to that of JD Vance: children who live in a constant state of chaos due to parents who can barely take care of themselves, yet alone their children.
For the past two years, my husband and I have been volunteer Guardian Ad Litem’s for children who have been removed from their home due to abuse, abandonment, and neglect. We become the voice of the child and persuade the court to make decisions and rulings based upon their best interest. We have spent hours in family court, listening to the pleas of parents who desperately desire to be re-united with their children, but who, because of drug addictions, are simply unable to complete the tasks required by the court to get their children back.
Where are the children while parents struggle to get sober and learn new life skills? More often than not, they are living with grandparents. Grandparents are the real heroes in today’s culture where drugs and addictions have incapacitated so many of their own children. They are the ones who have selflessly stepped in and stepped up to provide stable homes so their grandchildren can learn academic, recreational, and relational skills that will help them lead successful and productive lives.
One of our previous Guardian Ad Litem cases involved two siblings who, like JD, grew up with a drug addicted mom. Eventually, the youngest sibling was adopted by their maternal grandparents. In their sunset season and living with heath issues of their own, they are no spring chickens. They live in a rural area and are part of a low socio-economic demographic consistent with most residents who live in that county. Yet, they provide their grandchild with a stable and secure home where love reigns and thriving happens. An avid sports player, they take their grandchild to practices and games, enduring long hours in the summer’s blazing heat and winters that are cold and damp. Getting to school on time with all the supplies necessary for success takes priority in their household.
We have been fortunate enough to remain in this young child’s life after the adoption was finalized. We’ve transitioned from being Guardian Ad Litem’s to being mentors. We try very hard to introduce a variety of normal, enriching experiences most adolescents enjoy, such as iceskating (we live in FL) and climbing walls and other scary apparatuses. We include visits to a local preforming arts theatre where we’ve seen The Cat in the Hat, Mary Poppins, and The Sound of Music.
Our mentee hangs out at our house for a weekend about every other month where we enjoy making and decorating cookies. To a middle-school age child, there’s something magical about breathing life into a plain, dull cookie using an array of brightly colored, almond flavored glaze to make creative designs. We work on language development and reading skills. Meal preparation becomes a group effort where cooking skills are developed and honed. For fun, our youngster especially loves to drive our golf cart up and down our quiet street.
Our sweet little adolescent is determined to break the cycle of poverty, illiteracy, and addiction that has overtaken past generations of the biological family. Research has shown that the steady and stable presence of an adult can make a difference in all areas of a child’s life. They tend to be less anxious, more focused in school, and better at forming and maintaining important relationships. This can happen in as little time as ONE HOUR a week: before, during, or after school. Never underestimate the value of pouring into a young person’s life.
Now in our 70’s, my husband and I are living in the golden glow of our sunset season. The opportunities for us to change the world are on a train that left the station years ago. Our sphere of influence goes no farther than our front door. But what if we could change the world for children by providing the structure and social capital they need so THEY can change the world?
We have no idea what God’s plans are for this fun, polite, and sometimes stubborn middle-school age child. But after seeing JD Vance overcome a similar childhood to become a prominent figure on the world’s stage, anything is possible. Perhaps we CAN change the world after all. We just have to do it one child at a time.
What About You?
1. Do you know any children who are being raised by their grandmother? Do you know a grandmother who is raising her grandchildren? If so, what are you observations? If you don’t know anyone, what are your thoughts about grandparents raising their grandchildren due to the inability of own children to raise them?
2. Raising grandchildren is hard on many levels. Make a list of three -five areas you think might be especially challenging for grandparents who are in their 60’s and 70’ and raising grandchildren in today’s culture.
3. From your list, pick the area you feel is the most challenging. Explain your answer.
4. If you know a grandmother who is raising her grandchildren, in what area from your list would you be most interested in helping her, if you could?
5. If you have the time and/or resources to help her, meet with her to discuss how you can help her with this often difficult and monumental task.
